Dear Diary,
Bella the English Bulldog here, reporting for duty! Well, sort of. Let’s be honest, my main duty is looking adorable while doing as little as possible. It’s a tough job, but someone’s got to do it!
7:30 AM: Awakened by the sound of my own snoring. Decided to grace the humans with my presence by waddling to their bedroom.
8:00 AM: Breakfast time! Performed my special “food dance,” which consists of standing by my bowl and giving my best puppy-dog eyes. Exertion complete for the morning.
9:00 AM: Post-breakfast nap on the cool kitchen tiles. A bulldog’s got to maintain her girlish figure, after all.
10:30 AM: The humans tried to entice me with a “walk.” Ha! I made it to the end of the driveway before plopping down for a rest. The neighbors seemed impressed by my stamina.
11:00 AM: Back home for my mid-morning nap. Location: living room couch.
12:30 PM: Woke up to the smell of the humans’ lunch. Used my secret weapon (excessive drooling) to score some cheese. Victory is mine!
1:00 PM: Decided to redecorate. Redistributed the sofa cushions across the living room floor. The humans will thank me later.
2:30 PM: Playtime! Chased my tail for a solid 30 seconds before remembering I don’t really have one. Settled for chewing on my favorite toy instead.
3:00 PM: The doorbell rang! I alerted the household with my fierce “woof” (it came out more like a snort, but it’s the thought that counts).
4:00 PM: Afternoon nap, interrupted briefly by a butterfly outside the window. Thought about chasing it, decided against it. That window’s not going to wash itself of my nose prints, you know.
5:30 PM: The tiny human returned from “school.” Greeted her with my signature move: a combination of excited grunts and vigorous whole-body wiggling.
6:00 PM: Dinner time! Did my best impression of a starving wolf. The humans weren’t fooled, but they fed me anyway. Suckers.
7:00 PM: Family TV time. Contributed by providing soothing background snores and occasional sleep-woofs.
8:30 PM: Evening constitutional in the backyard. Marked my territory, scared away an especially menacing dandelion.
9:00 PM: Bedtime snuggles. Generously allowed the humans to share my bed. Even let them have a whole 25% of the mattress this time.
11:00 PM: Woke up for a midnight snack and water break. Slurping water is an art form, and I am Picasso.
3:00 AM: Had a vivid dream about chasing rabbits. In reality, moved my legs a quarter of an inch and went right back to sleep.
6:00 AM: Another day dawns! Time to rest up for all the excitement ahead!
Until next time, diary. Remember: naps are life, drool is cool, and being adorable is a full-time job.
Yours in perpetual relaxation, Bella the Bulldog